Thursday, November 1, 2007
Thoughts......
I don't usually post personal stuff on here. The blog is more an expression of my interests and nonesense that catches my eye as well as the occassional rant about the idiocy going on in our government. But I think it is time for a personal moment. So, I'm on the spin bike in my basement tonight working through some stuff in my head as I often do when I'm on the bike. I Have a beautiful son that lately has been driving me up oneside of the wall and down the other with tantrums and, well, honestly, 3 year oldness. Truly very typical stuff but fairly unrelenting in the late evening. So anyways, I'm on the bike sweating, watching some dumb flick on cable and then a thought popped into my head. "Be his hero first". I am not sure what it means or whether it will resonate with anyone else but it struck me somehow. I think what it means for me is parenting with an eye not to the letter of the law but so that when he looks back 25 years from now, and if he is starting out his life as a parent he will look back and think "yeah, sure that is how it should be done." Sounds pretty simple doesn't it? Well it's not. I think most of you parents would agree. We get caught up in getting the baths done and getting to bed on time and really should spend more time loveing and listening. We're not given a manual or an instuctional video. We play it by ear. We wing it. We go into it equipped with what we were given. Some have great tools and examples to follow. Some have none at all. I know I will fail. Probably a million times, but everytime I do, I will remember to "be his hero first".
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9 comments:
Better a hero than a buddy. Remember, you are his dad.
Totally. But always strive to give him a blueprint for the future.
erik
That is being a dad. Just teach him to not be full of crap.
Neil
Another thought...
Just make sure they are inclusive!!
Neil
there are a million things you have to teach them. but what I am talking about is parenting through experience and constructive thought versus being authoritarian. I, hopefully will teach him to be a good person, because my wife and I are good people. He will learn how to have a loveing relationship because he sees that from us. He will learn how to treat people right because he sees that in us. What I am talking about is in my interactions with him. Neil thanks for reading. You rock and you get me thinking!
erik
Hey there, I dont know you and I just went to your blog from Blakes and I am just a kid~ 17. Well I think your thoughts are good. I actually just got in a fight with my mom becuase I dont talk to her enough and I dont because I am not comfortable talking to her. So I think my main thing for being a good parent is being a good listener and being a good person that your child feels comfortable talking to about stuff. And I think that the way that a child can feel comfortable is by having a parent that is positive and praises them for their achievements and letting them know that it is OK to not be the best as long as you know that you tried your hardest. Sorry for the super long comment, I hope it helps...just some thoughts from a kids point of view..
Anonymous,
Thanks for reading and posting. I know it can be hard to talk to your parents. I know it seems like they don't get it. I don't know you but I can remember when I was your age how I felt. (it wasn't that long ago). My children are young but I am at the stage in my life where I am starting to understand what my parents must have gone through as parents. My point is that you are at an age where you can take an active role in your relationship with them. Relationships are a two way street and it takes both of you to make it work. I appreciate your insight and take what you have written very seriously. I think that your mom is wanting you to talk to her is good thing. She might not express in a way that is easy for you to hear or "get" but she is trying. It is up to you to show her how to talk to you. She isn't an expert and probably didn't get any training on how to talk to a young adult like yourself. You have to show her. My son is young and I have to be in the driver seat for now but as he gets older I hope I will have given him the foundation so that he will want to take an active role in our relationship. That is all any parent can hope for. Again, thanks for reading and feel free to leave more comments. I will be glad to read them. and if you ride, keep riding!
i remember thinking my parents were idiots when i left for college...something happened - and all of the sudden they were the most brilliant people I have ever met in my entire life. they were steadfast in their actions and undying in their love and swift with judgment. i am the idiot for thinking otherwise.
I don't think you are an idiot. I just think it is something we all go through to varying degrees. It is part of our reaching maturity and developing into independent adults. Thanks for the comments. I didn't think this would generate so much thought.
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